We Were Just Holding The Pig For A Friend, Officer

I wish the naysayers and haters who believe that the people of this country lack ingenuity  and creativity would read the same news stories that I read.  Not only would it change their evil little minds about the state our country is in, but based on my own experience, it would take up such an obscene amount of their day that they wouldn’t have time to be naysayers and haters anymore and everyone would just love one another and get along.  No need to thank me.   Just mail my Nobel Peace Prize to my parents. Hopefully, it will make up for a lot of the stuff I put them through when I was younger.

On to my point.  I peruse a scary amount of news stories for crossword and humor material, and it’s always inspiring to see that when the going gets tough, the tough will come up with new and innovative ways to pay for their recreational drug use.

In a heartwarming story sure to make everyone snort coffee out of their noses, a man from Syracuse, New York was arrested last week after trying to do his part to stimulate the economy by making his most recent purchase of crack cocaine with a dead pig.  The man explained to the police officers — who plan on leaving this story to their grandchildren in their wills, purely for the entertainment value — that he was low on cash and, because he has that “can do” attitude that you look for in your average crack-crazed maniac, managed to come up with half of a recently deceased pig to give the drug dealer in order to score (presumably this drug dealer does not accept personal checks.)

The dealer, in a ham-handed (sorry, it needed to be said) attempt to explain to the officers why he was carrying half a dead pig carcass, told them that he was buying it as a “Welcome Home” gift for a relative who was getting out of jail.  The officers, who apparently don’t appreciate the value of a dead pig barter economy, had to take turns trying to handcuff the suspects because they were laughing so hard.

And as if that wasn’t enough economic stimulation for one day, a third upstanding citizen stole the pig while the gentlemen were in the process of being placed under arrest.  So the economy really won on that one.