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And We Were Having A Wonderful Time, Until Somebody Pulled A Cheeto

June 28, 2009

CheetosI don’t know what the world is coming to when decent, hard-working Americans can’t engage in peaceful, fun-loving leisure-time activities, such as hooting at the people who appear on “American Idol” during audition rounds, without some thug with snack-food violence on his mind spoiling the party.

As a safety-minded parent, of course, I am troubled by this.  My daughter is enjoying the trappings of a teenage social life, the success of which is centered, as far as I can tell, around how many times a day she can get me to drop what I’m doing immediately and drive her somewhere (bonus points are scored if I’m working on deadline).  Like many young people venturing out into the world for the first time, she has many questions and I’m pleased that she is willing to talk to me about them.   So it was no surprise that she sent me this link, along with the question that — I’ll put this into my own words — basically amounted to, “WTF, Mom??”

Let me save you the trouble of going to the link, because this is just too good not to share.  A couple from Shelbyville, Tennessee was arrested recently after a verbal altercation turned violent at their home.  Police arriving on the scene were informed that the fight had gotten out of hand when the couple, who apparently missed the physics lesson on how if you’re going to attack someone with a blunt object it helps if it’s not air-puffed, decided to pull out all the stops and let the Cheetos fly.  On the spectrum of snack-food-related domestic violence, this altercation was actually thought of as relatively minor by police, not just because no one got hurt, thankfully, but also because it saved them the time of having to dust for fingerprints, what with all the orange “cheese-type food product” schmutz that had settled.

For me, this raises a few questions:   Who actually threw the first Cheeto, and how long have they been off their medication?  How will manufacturer Frito Lay turn this to their advantage (“New Lead-Filled Cheetos:  For When You Really Need To Finish The Job”)?   And finally, were these the Crunchy Cheetos?  Because those babies have some sharp angles and could really take an eye out.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Rich Fuchs permalink
    March 22, 2010 10:08 PM

    This actually sounds like a great activity for a birthday party!

    • Deb permalink*
      March 22, 2010 10:28 PM

      Just watch out for those lead-filled ones, Rich. They hurt.

  2. June 30, 2009 8:13 PM

    Cheetos? Doritos? Heck, everyone knows it’s thicker tortilla chips that pose the most danger. Definite risk of lacerations there.

  3. PJ(chicago) permalink
    June 29, 2009 4:37 AM

    Deb–those Cheeto-hurling folks missed the real weapon in Frito Lay’s arsenal: Doritos—a tool so dangerous that those of us in the Emergency Room tending to the injured learn early on to recognize the jagged, salty lacerations left by the properly thrown “Cool Ranch” triangular chip!–You really CAN take out an eye with those snacks! Just a bit of
    medical trivia for you in case your next book is a murder mystery;  (referred to you from

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