Look Out! He’s Got A Cell Phone!

Forget about Dick Cheney and his analog, CIA cover ups.  In this digital age, that is just SO yesterday, as my kids would say.  This is the 21st century, and as one of the world’s technological leaders, it is apparently incumbent upon us to also lead the world in new and innovative ways to wage war on other countries, one exploding cell phone at a time.

I’m referring specifically to an article that was sent to me by someone who would rather not be named — we’ll call him “Deep Thinker” — that reports the death of a South Korean man after a cell phone in his shirt pocket exploded.  Another man in China was apparently killed in the same way, and both stories really raise the red flag for me.

I have to confess I was somewhat alarmed when I first read the article.  Both exploding phones were made by a manufacturer named LG (motto: “Life is Good.  Especially when you’re eliminating your enemies one remote blast at a time hahahaha….”), which just happens to be the brand of cell phone that I use.  It is also the brand of cell phone that my daughter uses, and as a teenager with Unlimited Texting (whoever thought that one up is my hero, by the way), if anyone’s cell phone ever came close to exploding just from usage alone, it would be hers.  We don’t need the manufacturer to make it any easier, believe me.

A spokesman for LG, who was presumably trying not to start a panic, was quoted in the article as saying that the cell phones in question were only manufactured and purchased in Korea.  Most people’s knee-jerk reaction, outside of Korea anyway,  would probably be, “Whew!”  What a relief, right?

But then I started thinking about it.  Why is LG making exploding cell phones and selling them to unsuspecting Asians?  What has South Korea, in particular, ever done to us?  Could this be a new tool in the digital age war machine?  How does one remotely detonate a cell phone if every other call is dropped unceremoniously on a regular basis?   And how can we harness this to fix some of the problems in our own country?

Mr. Cheney, is that your cell phone ringing?

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