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Because We're Just That Sophisticated

August 23, 2009
Madagascar Hissing Cockroach

Madagascar Hissing Cockroach

When people find out that I live in New Jersey, one of the most frequent questions that comes up after, “For God’s sake, why???”  and the perennial favorite, “Ha ha ha, what Exit?” is, “How is it that an entire STATE full of reasonably educated people would be willing to risk their political future by relying solely on the predictive power of COCKROACHES?”

I’m just kidding, of course.  No one asks about that.  But if they did, I would have to say that it’s a heck of a lot better than living in Pennsylvania.  They still predict the weather using groundhogs, of all things.  Philistines.

For those of you still confused about the state of New Jersey politics ever since former Governor Jim McGreevey performed a spectacular swan dive into a pool of his own arrogance, an article in the Hunterdon County Democrat explains everything.  We have a gubernatorial race coming up between incumbent Jon Corzine and Republican rival Chris Christie, and if the cockroaches have anything to say about it — and apparently they do — Corzine will not have to be looking for packing boxes come November. This is because the New Jersey Pest Management Association, our most widely recognized body of political analysts, has conducted a completely scientific study of the gubernatorial landscape and has already declared Governor Corzine the winner.

The way they came to this conclusion is so wonderful I just have to share it with you.  After a whole day of “celebrating” the annual get-together of pest control personnel, the NJPMA was apparently in bad enough shape to decide that the time was ripe to make with the cockroach racing.  Someone who had clearly been in the center of the “festivities” also felt that it would be a good idea to draw some caricatures of the gubernatorial candidates on paper and tape them to the backs of the roaches, as if they didn’t have enough of a P. R. problem  already (the roaches, not the candidates.)   The cockroaches were placed on a Plexiglass track and off they went.  The Governor Corzine cockroach did what he had to do and made it to the end of the track first.  The Chris Christie cockroach, as predicted, tried to buy his way out of the race by making a huge donation to the NJPMA (that’s a lot funnier if you live in New Jersey.)

Corzine

Corzine

When asked by the press if using cockroaches was really a legitimate way to predict the outcome of a political race, a spokesman for the NJPMA, who apparently hadn’t yet recovered from the partying, was quoted as saying, “Of course.  These aren’t your ordinary household vermin.  These are Giant Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches.”

Which makes all the difference, if you’re living in the great state of New Jersey.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. August 26, 2009 2:17 PM

    That’s just perfect! I wonder if they’ve done this in the past, and, if so, what their track record is, so to speak.

    • Deb permalink*
      August 26, 2009 4:37 PM

      Actually, Beth, I read somewhere that they conducted a similar “study” to predict the outcome of the race between Obama and McCain. If I have this right, the McCain cockroach got disoriented during the race and wandered off.

  2. Julie permalink
    August 25, 2009 12:41 PM

    I will take groundhogs over cockroaches any day! Frost clearly agrees.

  3. joecab permalink
    August 24, 2009 10:53 AM

    My family moved from the Bronx to North Bergen, NJ when I was a lad. Considering how incredibly crooked the politicians were there (and it crept into the school system as well), I’ve had to deal more NJ cockroaches in my life than anyone ever should.

    • Deb permalink*
      August 24, 2009 11:26 AM

      Joe: Do you ever get the sense that you and I are living parallel lives? 🙂

      • joecab permalink
        August 24, 2009 11:48 AM

        If you move to Boston, I will give myself permission to be totally freaked out. 😉

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