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Just In Time For Christmas

December 20, 2009

Just in case anyone was worried about what else could possibly happen after I reported the End of The World As We Know It back in September,  I bring you now Michael Menkin, inventor of the Thought Screen Helmet.  In his selfless quest to save humanity from  the Alien Mind Control Invasion From Hell, Mr. Menkin is hand-crafting helmets in his home that will not only put the tin foil helmet industry to shame, but will also help the rest of us readily identify the people who should be under  close medical supervision, mostly because they will be wearing ridiculous hats.

In a photo on his website, www. StopAbductions.com, Mr. Menkin appears to be an industrious, grandfatherly type who, if he were not clearly insane, looks like he would make a good small-town mayor or perhaps even a relatively benign mall Santa.  So how did Mr. Menkin get involved in the business of gluing Velostat into aviator helmets and baseball caps to prevent the aliens from scrambling people’s thoughts, you ask?  Well, turns out he spent his career working for a whole slew of government agencies and large, technology-based corporations, like NASA and Boeing.  He’s pretty well irradiated at this point, would be my guess.

Anyway, I can’t argue with someone who is so clearly delivering the kind of entertainment that makes you laugh until your fillings fall out performing a public service.  Just read this stirring testimonial from a faithful customer in Kentucky:

Since trying Michael Menkin’s helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.

I’m sure I can speak for the rest of society when I say, “Thank goodness!” and also, “Ha ha! Please stay in Kentucky!”

The website also thoughtfully gives instructions on how to make your own helmet, should you feel that the invasion is imminent.  The trick here, apparently, is to make the helmet as quickly as possible before the aliens gain control of your tiny little mind and then shove the helmet into a cabinet and LOCK THAT BABY UP.

You read that right.  The aliens are an advanced race that can fly through the galaxies and control our minds , but a Schlage is beyond them.  No word on the site as to what you’re supposed to do when the aliens can’t get to your helmet in the locked cabinet, but your brains are unprotected.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 21, 2009 12:08 PM

    I ordered a dozen of these to place in “strategic” locations (next to the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday in case I’m eating lunch there during the invasion). Thanks for the tip Deb.

    • Deb permalink*
      December 21, 2009 2:16 PM

      Good plan, Rich. Of course I won’t even ask you what you’re doing in a Ruby Tuesdays to begin with.

  2. Deb permalink*
    December 21, 2009 8:51 AM

    As do I, Amy. Just makes me wonder what the fall-out will be when we’ve saved the polar ice caps at the expense of having our brains scrambled. At least the aliens will gain control of a well-cared-for planet.

  3. December 21, 2009 1:13 AM

    This man is no friend to the environment. My friends and I, we all make sure to recycle our household foil by making it into anti-alien hats.

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