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Those Wacky Japanese People

July 2, 2010

And now, a machine from Japan that supposedly teaches men what it feels like to get your period.

I noticed this mainly because I had written a book called “It’s Not PMS, It’s You”, and even though it is a humorous book about the things men do in relationships to piss women off, there are those people (men) who seem to have latched on to the PMS part and prefer to discuss the pitfalls of interacting with others (women) who might be feeling a tad hormonal.

As far as I can tell from the article, the machine is not that different from your basic IV in that it drips fluid at regular intervals.

So my first reaction was: That’s it?!

Hey, Japan: That’s not what it feels like to get your period.  That’s what it feels like to pee in your pants.  That’s what it feels like after you’ve had a couple of kids, been around the block a few times, and you sneeze violently in the middle of a mall where you know damn well the only working ladies room is what feels like an entire football stadium away.

Here’s what I want to know: Where is the machine that pokes you in the gut and the lower back day and night to simulate the cramps that wake you up out of a not-so-sound sleep?

Where is the machine that makes you hate everybody around you for days before so that even your dog thinks you’re an unreasonable shrew?

Where is the machine that makes you want to swig Bosco straight from the bottle, or that convinces you that it’s perfectly OK to stick a straw in a jar of barbecue sauce and gnaw through a Family-Size bag of potato chips and call that dinner?

And where, my friends, is the machine that pumps water through your entire frigging body and HOLDS IT THERE UNTIL YOU FEEL LIKE THE STAY-PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN, hmmm?!

Still no word on a cure for cancer.  But we’re getting close.  I can just feel it.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 2, 2010 1:53 PM

    Yup, they’re far as hell from replicating menstruation. I think many males don’t know enough about menstruation and all the things surrounding it to truly replicate something like that. Menstruation is much more than blood coming out from the vagina and unfortunately that’s almost as much as this machine does! However, I can understand that with this technology, we could be applying it to so many other things that would revolutionize our society. I’m definitely not downplaying the beauty and importance of menstruation, but trying to replicate it is a moot point.

    I like to interact with girls whether they’re PMS’ing, not PMS’ing – menstruating or not menstruating and I don’t understand why men spend so much time generating so much negativity around PMS. I wonder if they ever bothered putting a lot of thought into this machine because they’re missing a lot of things!

  2. Deborah Fikuart permalink
    July 2, 2010 1:46 PM

    Where is the machine that reminds you monthly that your Significant Other is decorticate?


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