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Guest Blogger Martha Frankel Reporting LIVE From The Wedding Of The Year!

August 1, 2010

Some journalistic scoops are just too good to pass up.  When a big story comes your way, the best thing to do is to grab your artfully hidden-from-the-Secret-Service Blackberry and tell it like it is.  That’s what the fabulous Martha Frankel did, and we couldn’t be more grateful that she sent her observations straight to us here at CYGAWA without any thought to her personal safety and security or, for that matter, her reputation as a journalist.  Thank you, Martha, for helping us stay current and for revealing things about OMG FRICKING CHELSEA AND MARC’S WEDDING that probably went uncovered by other, nameless sources who were left to weep outside the door.  Pfft.  And they call themselves journalists.  Kudos also to ace reporters Kitty Sheehan and Mark Cuddy for getting Martha into the wedding of the year in the first place.

Martha Frankel, breaking the news as only she can

Martha, of course, is the author of “Hats and Eyeglasses” (Tarcher/Penguin, 2009), an intriguing memoir about her childhood spent learning the game of poker from her father and her uncle, and more recently, “Brazilian Sexy” (Perigree/Penguin, 2010), co-written with one of the founders of the J Salon in NYC and which reveals the secrets to living a “gorgeous and confident life.”   She’s wonderful, and I know you’ll love her and be just as grateful for her reporting skills as we are.

So here, without further ado, is a live report from the wedding of former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky:

Ssshhh. They’ll take my crackberry away if they know I have it.  But Chelsea looks gorg. And it’s a very cool wedding.

They just threw out Ruth Bader Ginsburg for having a potty mouth! I’m hiding in the bushes so they don’t hear mine.

Omigod, Bill is f*cking rocking out!

Better not be any crisis tomorrow — Hillary is druuunk!

Just danced with Henry Kissinger. Turns out he’s hawt…

Headed into an hour and a half of these f*cking fireworks.  Who knew even this could be boring? zzzzzzzzz….

A skunk just walked right through the crowd! Everyone went running.

O.M.G. I’m sure as sh*t I see Chelsea hiding a baby bump behind that bouquet. Stay tuned.

What the f*ck? It turned into a cash bar at 11!!! I’m gonna have to ask Oprah to buy me a drink.  No, no, Gayle will do it.

Hillary got locked in the Port-A-Potty, and Bill is doing the Hokey Pokey.

First puker spotted — turns out to be one of the Bush twins!  Who invited them?!

Barbra Streisand and Kid Rock doing duet of “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Anymore” w/Bill on sax! Who knew Hil is a flautist? Best. Wedding. Ever.

Right in the middle of “The Electric Slide” they flicked the lights on and off.  Last call!

Blackhawks waiting to ferry guests back to Rhinebeck. Will wait to get on the one w/Tom Hanks. Private party after at the Beek.

Forgot to tell you about the food — Chelsea fooled everyone. It was a total Woodstock thing; Joshua’s did the appetizers (delish!) And Yum Yum noodles did the dinner.

And the cake, which was to die for, was from Jabelli’s bakery (at Lori’s Creative cafe.) A pineapple and whipped cream thing.  Wowza!

OK, off to the post-wedding, pre-brunch breakfast.

This is a room full of the most hung-over people I ever been with.  Since yesterday.  Thank God for mimosas.

OK, finally going to the brunch. Am so over this Chelsea-Marc thing. Just wanna go home to sleep it off.

Well, Chelsea and Marc LOVED my wedding gift (a cherry picture frame with the date and 2 birds carved in.) Going home to sleep it off.  Sorry, that should be file my report.

Might have to skip Weight Watchers this week because the wedding was a 2-day pig fest.  Bill told me he’s already gained back 8 pounds.

Thanks again, Martha.  This one will win us that Pulitzer for sure.  Everyone else, head on over to Amazon.com and pick up Martha’s books.  You will really love them.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Suzanne permalink
    August 3, 2010 5:36 PM

    I’m lifting this for my fb. Sorry!!! I know Martha very well. Old family friend. I’m lifting this. It’s f****** hilarious!!! Oh my God thank you!!! 🙂

    • Deb permalink*
      August 3, 2010 6:45 PM

      You’re very welcome, Suzanne. Glad you liked it. 🙂 Please do me a favor and link it back to my blog, or at least mention Martha and I in your post.

  2. August 1, 2010 7:33 PM

    As Martha said this morning: “I don’t know what’s worse. That people thought I was there, or that people thought I was there and on my phone the whole time!”

    • Deb permalink*
      August 2, 2010 8:59 AM

      Kitty, I would have been on my phone AND been all over the buffet. I’m a total buffet whore.

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